Ready - Steady - hold on I gotta tie my shoes.

What if time flies by and you feel like everything changes around you but somehow, you're still the young pathetic little fuck you were 5,10 or 20 years ago?

You still wait for this special someone, who whips you off the ground and turns your whole entire world upside down. The one who makes you stop thinking about the guy that somehow managed to break your heart without being an asshole. Yep, it's over for a while and you're glad for the both of you that it is, but it sucks being reminded of battle wounds, every time you see the dude. So you're still waiting for the one guy and the happy ending you and your friends were always talking about. The one you expect to magically appear every time you enter a cafe, a bookshop, a club or even H&M. (Who knows, maybe the cashier guy's just the perfect guy for you and only works there so he can make some extra money while volunteering for orphans, ruling the stockmarket, curing cancer and studying astronomy and literature on the side.) (Really. Who knows? Don't judge me.)

You are still looking for the perfect job, that makes it feel like you don't actually work, but rather be able to do your hobby and follow your dreams everyday. Because in the end, you're definitely going to be successfull, fulfilled, rich and happy, once you work really hard for what you want.
Or isn't it that easy after all?
Is the life inbetween (the stuff that smooths your screws and rotates your thoughts) just something that messes everything up, everytime you feel like resting your legs on the table? Or is it just an excuse, you use everytime you feel like crap? The classic excuse that the whole world is against you right now, or that you are just not as lucky as other ones?

The first step in solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one.

Such. A. Smart. Sentence.

Unfortunately, there's a shitload of stuff to do once the problem appears before you.
All that reflecting, ojectivating and analyzing might cause major buzz in your head.
It's a lot more work to do than people tell you about. Of course everyone has their own issues, but sometimes it would be pure bliss, if all those people just ignored their issues for a day and helped you figure out your life. It's not that much to ask for I think. Is it?


But then I realize not only everything around me has changed, but I'm totally different too. I'm pretty much the same me from 5 years ago, just more realistic, sarcastic, negative and reasonable.
Most of my days without obeying any rules, and ignoring any consequences are over. The ease in speaking my mind is gone. Instead, there is a list of questions and things I'd really really love to say or ask, waiting for the right moment until it's too late or I forget them.
That all sounds pretty depressing and negative, but it's really not. It's just part of growing up and as I stroll along my path, I sometimes feel as if I'm glancing in from a window. Just like as if I was sitting in a cafe having a great dinner with someone and looking really happy, and the real me is walking by, pausing and peeking in from outside. Like: "WOW! Who is that girl? I wish I looked that happy." And then I metaphorically slap myself in the face, because that's me all along.

Now listen honey, how can you fix yourself just like that?
You don't. Not at all. That's the answer. Sorry.
You don't need to be fixed. Not by others, not even by yourself. In the end, all you've got to do is to enjoy the ride. Every weird thought, every time you feel like standing still and every moment that life seems just too crazy to be true. Just chill and be the crazy, loud, sweet and caring chubby little bastard you are. You can rock this shit.
Rephrase: You rock the shit out of this shit. PERIOD.

PS: My hair looks awesome right now. Felt like writing that down.
(You should see it. It literally sparkles!)