Sometimes life comes different than you've expected, relationships break, beloved people pass away, old habits stop and friendships wander into different directions..
The you who was running outside to check and feel for yourself, when the first snowflake touches the ground; the person who already sang christmas songs and thinks about the outfit she was gonna were on christmas eve in the midst of october, that person is not there anymore, and it just doesn't feel right to pretend it is...
Eventhough life got a little less complicated with quitting to drink as much, and trying to NOT feel for a change, it's still weird and unexpectedly real.
So i guess this christmas might come different, i guess something will miss.....SOMEONE will miss, like a box wrapped up in gift paper with nothing inside and the thought in the back of your head, that it will never be full again...
I'm trying to think positive, i'm trying to change my life, but change is not that easy and trying neither.
The good thing is, since now that it's all strange and edgeless unknown territory to me, I appreciate little things more than ever, every single smile or smirk or grin fills my heart with light, every single one, and i am myself more than i've ever been, it's not important to me to be liked by everyone anymore, it's just me and myself, and to be honest, that works out better than i thought.
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